Communicating with a few colleagues in the work of Marriage Counseling a general opinion has arisen. I knew I had seen it, but I didn’t know until recently that my colleagues had also seen it. It appears that when many couples reach that dreadful place of possibly losing their marriage, due to misbehaviors or long ignored problems, rather than seeking to change they simply do what they have done before, only with higher energy, aggressiveness, or defensiveness. Our churches cry out for people to strengthen their marriages, and this feeds the problem. Carl Whitaker, one of the founders of the modern world of Marriage Counseling, wisely said that the average marriage doesn’t need strengthening, it needs restructuring. It needs a new structure because the old one isn’t effective, usually because it has a power struggle built into it, and a power failure waiting to happen.
To quote some voices from an auxiliary world, those voices of Pinkie and the Brain- “What shall we do tonight, Brain? Same thing we do every night, Pinkie, We try to take over the world.” This agrees with the school of thought in Adlerian Psychology, which points out that people will make most of the decisions of their life based on a few premises they might have made during early childhood, sadly unquestioned since that time, unless they undergo deep and real changes in how they approach life, love, and work.
If redeeming a broken marriage is what people want to do, different plans have to be followed. Attention to new ideas, a willingness to see self and partner in different ways, and the humility to grow and not to conquer, must be a part of the process.
Proverbs 4: 20 My child, give attention to my words; Incline your ear to my sayings.
21Do not let them depart from your sight; Keep them in the midst of your heart.
22For they are life to those who find them And health to all their body.
23Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it [flow] the springs of life.
24Put away from you a deceitful mouth And put devious speech far from you.
25Let your eyes look directly ahead And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you.
26Watch the path of your feet And all your ways will be established.
27Do not turn to the right nor to the left; Turn your foot from evil.